THE NAKED ACCIDENTALS
Many people like to sleep naked, the sense of naked freedom makes the state so appealing. However, when cruising on a ship it is generally wise to wear something during the night because ships are more vulnerable to incidents. Take for example if the ship runs into trouble or has a fire then the naked people are generally more at risk of hypothermia, nether region frostbite or barbequed sausage syndrome, especially if mister naked accidentally strolls into a flamey inferno, sausage first.
Quite a common incident is when a guest-of-the-naked-kind forgets where they are and needs the bathroom during the night. In their half-asleep state they select the wrong door and step out into the corridor, before they know it the door has closed behind them. Their first reaction is to hammer on the door but unfortunately the hubby or wifey is wearing earplugs. Awkward? Naked… Drafty? Sooo what do you do? Well you have to go to reception to ask someone to open the door. Depending on what deck you are staying on and the distance from reception, makes the journey more interesting. Ideally one would prefer the naked streak to be as short as possible, and without the need to pass through public spaces like the central atrium. Also the naked dash would be easier if one already knew the layout of the ship because being lost and naked may well result in huge emotional trauma. Imagine stumbling into the disco or taking a wrong turn and ending up naked on stage. It is possible because the ship has numerous secret doors and corridors.
Survival and inventiveness are the ‘Naked Accidental’s’ friend. On some floors there are launderettes and linen cupboards. This is where the ‘Naked Accidental’ can utilise their body coverage inventiveness. On some floors there are floral arrangements and a number of nakeds have shown up at reception with a decorative floral arrangement about their person. It is amazing how the positioning of large Lilly can save the day. Others have found towels in linen cupboards while others have created their own personal sandwich board from pictures they have prized from walls. It is remarkable how a half-asleep naked moment of panic provides all manner of body coverage inspiration. A number of ‘Naked Accidentals’ have made their way to the gym to pick up a towel, which is quite logical; however, to get to the spa and gym they usually have to traverse a number of floors and make their way to the front of the ship.
Christmas decorations have made a rather beautiful body adornment with baubles hanging from protruding places and Rudolf taking on the genital covering reindeer role. Father Christmas and his white beard have been known to cover a portly posterior. Other ‘Naked Accidentals’ have not been so lucky and have been witnessed on deck prizing life-rings from the railing to cover their credentials. Unfortunately the life ring often has escaping appendages popping through the hole. All in all, the reception staff, the night staff and housekeeping have witnessed sights that will haunt them for the rest of their lives. In such an unexpectedly naked situation the easy alternative would be to find the phone in the corridor, call reception and utilise the stay-put approach while scouting the linen cupboard for any material to cover one’s self. Alternatively knock on your neighbour’s door and ask for help. Of course that wouldn’t create a decent story.