THE MOBILITY SCOOTER REBELS
Yes I know they have been mentioned in the previous section but these rebels need a bit more attention. There are general scooter antics and then there are those who are more rebellious. It is worth watching out for these naughty sorts because they are quite exciting.
On this particular occasion I had never seen so many people on mobility scooters in one place. It seemed that the cruise ship was adapted for holidaymakers who had menacing motors. You might think that maybe I am being a little bit cruel but oh no. When you have seen two mobility scooter menaces playing chicken with each other to get off a gangway then you will realise that ‘Mobility Scooter Rebels’ are in fact a dangerous breed of ’Cruise Ship Creature’.
There are times when you witness some of the strangest sights on the ship. Take for example a mobility scooter driver with a learner sign on the back and Barbie hooter and streamers on the front. To make the souped-up motor weirder there was a huge gold horn that made a loud foghorn noise. I first witnessed this creature attempting to reverse out of a lift. Just to provide a scootery insight: most scooters go in forwards and reverse out. She was banging the doors and going back and forth attempting to find her alignment. This is often where the greatest challenge lies with scooter manoeuvres. At one point she revved the engine flew backwards out of the lift at speed. She backed towards a group of unsuspecting lift users. The group scattered and she did what appeared to be a handbrake turn, which rotated the scooter in the direction of the deck, where she accelerated to the door and slammed on her brakes. I was amazed that she wasn’t hurt. That wasn’t the last time I saw such scooteresque antics either. Further into the cruise the mobility menace befriended two other old dears on scooters. All had long white hair and a rebellious twinkle in their eyes. They became known as the witches of Scooterwick. The two scooteresque gang members had floral basket displays and would often transport half of the buffet around with them. They would zoom past, slam on their brakes and weave amongst the other guests sounding the foghorn. When it was misty on deck they would appear from the fog sounding their foghorns and cackling hysterically. Amongst the fog, screams and revving could be heard as the dangerous driving ensued. In the end the Captain had to caution her and her scooter-witchy-mates. He threatened to remove her learner sign and confiscate her vehicle. She wasn’t the only example of such mobility menaces. I have seen a number of people drunk and in charge of a mobility scooter. Where most drunks can’t walk in a straight line, this lot can’t make it along a corridor without rebounding off walls or colliding with sculptures and floral arrangements.
In addition to the above, there are always the extreme mobility adventurers. You would have thought that the German army had been involved in adapting the mobility scooter of Indiana Mobility Jones. On that particular occasion the mobility scooter appeared to be an all-terrain vehicle that may even travel in water. The all-terrain creation was amazing because the chap could be seen navigating the most extreme environments on a mobility scooter. I half expected him to be seen scaling a vertical cliff face or even the side of a ship. His attitude was that he might not be able to walk but he certainly intended to experience everything, no matter what the terrain was. My only concern was that he would be four-wheel mobility driving over sand dunes in Dubai and his battery would go flat. Help!
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You can now understand why the ‘Mobility Scooter Rebels’ also fall into the more exciting ‘Cruise Ship Creature’ breed, although of course they could straddle the rebellious and the dangerous breeds too. In fact this creature is so abundant and adaptable that it is certainly worth considering what the more dominant versions of the creature are.