Cruise Ship Creatures – THE ‘HAS ANYONE HANDED IN MY TEETH?’





The ‘Has Anyone Handed In My Teeth?’ is a very rare type of passenger. I had to add them to the ‘Cruise Ship Creatures’ because quite frankly there are days on the ship where bemusement evolves into the question of ‘How has humanity survived this long?’ So this rather sweet lady, who was nearing five foot on tip toes and resembled a white haired sack, asked whether her teeth had been handed in. This made the question, how would we know they were her teeth? Were teeth often handed in? Was there an entire box filled with dental creations with people’s names on them? If people were handing in other people’s teeth then what other weird and wonderful items lurked in the lost and found box?


So the gummy little lady was asked when she last had her teeth and she could not remember. It was only when she went to dinner that evening that she realised that she had forgotten them. So guess what happened next? Housekeeping (all the room stewards) were advised to search their areas for a set of teeth. After about half an hour there was no response and the little old lady realised it was likely that she was going to have to live on liquidised food for the rest of her cruise. It was all very sad until the beautiful moment when one of the cabin stewards dashed up to the reception desk wielding a set of teeth. ‘They were in the base of a plant pot by the café,’ he said. How the teeth ended up in the plant pot is a mystery in itself. The old lady studied the teeth. ‘No they’re not them.’

She didn’t even try them for size. With a dejected look she toddled off and paused. She lifted her hand in the air and waved a set of teeth. ‘Found them,’ they were in the inside pocket of my bag under a tissue. Silly me.’


A set of gnashers sat with some spinach wedged between the two front teeth on the reception desk. For a while no one said anything. It was just one of those curious moments where you wonder what kind of divine entity had such humour. How long had those teeth been sitting in a plant pot? Who was without their teeth and had not realised? Did false teeth grow on trees?




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