THE ‘I HAVE 20 SUITCASES’
Do you have a suitcase madam? The general response from an embarking guest is to point at one or two suitcases but in some instances people have packed for all eventuality and have at least ten suitcases, for only one week. Ultimately the ‘I Have 20 Suitcases’ is rebelling against minimalistic packing. One of the other ‘Cruise Ship Creatures’ is the ‘Dress-tastic’ and she often has a plethora of well-stuffed suitcases containing a dress for every occasion and more. Admittedly some of the cruisy chaps are equally as packing-prolific and bring all manner of formal wear, strangely ornate suits, tweedy little numbers, an abundance of bow ties, safari wear, a Captain’s hat and more socks to be paired with sandals than you could ever envision. Just consider a multitude of shades of beige socks to be sandal-ised in the sunshine. I just need to deviate, what happens with tan lines regarding these chaps who have socks that cut off half way up their calves? It is not as if you can stop the socky offender, shove your finger in their calf-high-sock and take a peek to see if there is a major difference between sock-covered skin and leggily exposed skin. There have been some fantastic accidental bandana tan lines where a sharp dividing line cuts across the middle of a forehead. In an attempt to balance this tan-line travesty out, red lipstick was massaged into the unexposed area. Obviously the bandana incident was accidental but these chaps purposely wear long socks in the sun. Maybe they do it so that when they go to bed or meet a new woman they can convince themselves they are still wearing socks in bed even if they are just tan lines… This could be one of humanities greatest sockily-clad conundrums.
Back to the mass suitcase onslaught… It is understandable when the ‘World Cruisers’ join the ship they may have more suitcases than most. They could be on board for around 110 -120 days and that means a lot of underwear or maybe no underwear at all. Now if you don’t want to do washing then you will need a lot of clothes or actually pay the laundry to do your washing. Alternatively, you can join the ‘Launderette Gossips’ for a washing with gossip session and discover all the invented stories from around the ship. People do love to dress up on a cruise and that means loads-a-luggage. What is even more amusing is when the ‘World Cruisers’ disembark, many have purchased items from all around the world. Imagine ‘stuff’ from at least thirty ports! Quite often their luggage doubles. So much so on some ships there is a luggage delivery service because it is often impossible to fit it all that new stuff in a car, a coach or a train. Imagine after loading up the car with luggage turning to your partner, ‘Erm sorry darling there isn’t enough room for you – you will have to walk.’