CHAPTER 94
THE WINE SNIFFERS
Showy, blowy and nasally glowy this connoisseur will loudly share their great insight into the world of wine. ‘There is bouquet of wet dog combined with raspberries, a courgette and succulent aroma of string beans in this fine wine.’ They swill the rouge liquid through their teeth like mouth wash and spit it into an available dish as though they are at the dentist. The captivated audience nods merrily as they shove their noses in the glass and do not want to admit that it smells a bit like fruity vinegar with a tang of cherry. The next wine is poured into another glass, the connoisseur cleans his palette, makes a huge show… and does some weird facial exercises that resemble someone playing an invisible trombone. Finally, with that look of absolute knowing and lip smacking he takes a sip, appears orgasmic as he traces the detail of the flavoursome liquid and… ‘Alpaca anus combined with a woody window-wash and a hint of lavender. That lavender tickles the tastes buds and sends me into the Alpaca field to deliciously devour the tantalising and sumptuous… deeee….light.’
Looks of admiration fill the wine tasting event attendees. If only they had the capacity to identify an Alpaca’s anus amongst the multitude of winey aromas and flavours. What a talent to be able to divulge such a sumptuous oral experience. Of course a connoisseur needs to practice, to identify and be convincing in the depth of wine sniffing and tasting mastery. What’s more, their whiff-wording capacity is celebrated at such a tasting event; however, when one hosts a table and does not drink wine and asks someone to taste on the table’s behalf then that is when the ‘Wine Sniffer’ takes whimsical wine worlds to a whole new level. Be warned you can be carried away with bizarre descriptions and random imagery as soon as the ‘Wine Sniffer’ inhales and shares insights that reveal an entirely random nasally experienced universe.
Michelle Dry 