THE MISSING IN SWIMWEAR ACTION
This ‘Cruise Ship Creature’ will capture your attention when you least expect it. You may well find yourself doing a double take as your unconscious figures out what has taken place. Is that person nude on deck? Nope. It seems that their swimwear is either beige, very small or white and wet resulting in transparency. Sometimes the more portly passengers unintentionally cover their trunks or bikinis with excess flesh. Others have that unfortunate moment where they have selected an item that looks good in the shop but haven’t considered the consequences of applying water to the item which turns it see-through. This scenario is the ‘King’s New Clothes’ of swimwear. When you can technically see what someone had for breakfast (chipolatas and a couple of boiled eggs or bacon, a bean and fried onions) and no one has the courtesy to point out that you can see the details of the said ‘breakfasty undercarriage’. Of course no one wants to be the one who advises that details can be seen, although one of my more brash friends advised one of my colleagues that his swim shorts were so see-through that she could see detail. He found it funny until she said, ‘I notice you have been circumcised too.’ That was when he realised that his white swimming shorts were somewhat revealing.
In addition to the above is when the swimwear unintentionally evacuates through pressure, wind or not fitting. On some ships there are waterslides and wave pools. These are prime locations for tied bikinis to depart for the other end of the pool, or wedgy into complete disappearance. In some cases strings get caught and result in swimwear stranding or suspension. There is nothing worse than catching a bikini bottom on a door handle, to continue unaware and have the whole bikini bottom disentangle itself from one’s body and remain attached to the door. You may just hope the tan lines create a decent decoy.
Another fabulous moment involved a swim with dolphins’ tour. As part of the tour the guests were able to swim with dolphins and could be propelled across the pool by a lovely dolphin. This took place at a large open pool that had a beautifully large underwater window so that groups could watch dolphins swimming while the tourists were launched through the water.
During this particular tour a group of school children entered the aquarium. At the same moment a guest was lined up to be guided at high speed across the pool. With the sudden swimming surge the guest screamed excitedly (or so everyone thought) as she zoomed across the pool pushed by the dolphin. Actually what the shrill scream was – was the moment where she realised her bikini bottoms left her person and remained on the other side of the pool. Obviously the school group had an insight into female biology that they had not expected that day.