THE SUNBED HOGGERS
Over the years there have been many jokes about the Germans hogging sunbeds. Well I am glad to inform you that sunbed hogging is not nation specific. It seems that if there is a sunbed in the near vicinity then an ‘International Hogger’ will be called to action and often in the most extreme states of hoggaciousness. The potential ‘Sunbed Hogger’ has a certain sixth sense for discovering a free and very desirable sunbed.
Sometimes, when making my deck-checking rounds of the ship at 5.30am or 6.00am, a miracle had already taken place. The reason that I call it a miracle is that the staff who put out the sun loungers couldn’t even work out how the ‘Hoggers’ managed to mark their hoggy territory without detection. There must have been some very clever disguises or camouflage being used. As soon as a sun lounger touched the deck, and the sun lounger placing crew member turned their back, a towel magically attached itself to the sun lounger along with two pegs to stop that beach towel blowing away. The towel to pegging process took less than five seconds and the phantom ‘Hogger’ evaporated in to thin cruisey air. It was only when the sun reached its body burning peak that the phantom ‘Hogger’ would materialise, as if they had been there all the time. Maybe the ‘Hoggers’ have capes of invisibility too. Of course there were all manner of clever techniques to stop the towels being removed. One of the most inventive involved a blow up doll, a blanket and a number of pegs to stop the blow up doll blowing off. Imagine a giant whoopee cushion in human form flying across the deck making a huge raspberry noise. Why does that amuse me so? Another arranged towels in a body-like form, put a fur hat at the ‘head end’ and placed a blanket over the top. On top of the blanket a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign was fastened so that people would not dare to prod them. Clever? Inventive? There is often quite a lot of creative strategy involved in the most inventive sun lounger hogging techniques. ‘Watch and learn!’