That Refund You Owe Me – Break the Bed!

Hello Elizabeth Hotel,
With regards to the refund you owe me – I checked my bank account and still not a sausage! You must have thousands of angry customers trying to get their money back… Actually there has been quite a lot of reaction on Twitter to the fact that I am sharing these emails on my blog. It seems that there are plenty of people in a similar boat because they didn’t get to the hotel and the hotel won’t refund them.
Now you are very lucky this situation isn’t a rising in the middle ages. There would be pitch forks, fire pelted from canons and buttress storming. I never really knew what that was, but it isn’t often you get to utilise such a phrase when making a complaint. Anyway, you are lucky there are no pitch forks but maybe less lucky because thousands of people on Twitter are aware of your lack of refund… Well done!
Anyway, there are far more interesting things to discuss: I have been thinking about hotel beds… It came from the bed bugs yesterday and how I associated bedbugs and hotel bed issues. I had a thought about how many beds must be broken by excessive sausage hiding escapades. I wondered whether you purchased beds for endurance or whether the beds you select are cheap and acquired for a high turnover. I also wondered whether there is the ultimate bed structure designed for survival…
Of course this took me on a trail of other random thoughts such as water beds. Do they burst? Have you ever had guests get seasick during the intimate act? Do water beds come with sick bags like on cruise ships? What happens if the water bed punctures? Has a couple ever been washed across the room? They shoot their load and were shot as a load. That must be how black holes open… I am talking deep space rather than hairy undercarriage sort.
Isn’t it amazing how many questions come from beds? What makes me pleased is these subjects ‘tickle’ my readers. Many have never considered a bedgasm, which is when a water bed releases its contents all over the room and the unsuspecting guests ride a watery tsunami into the wall… Imagine…
I wonder how your management would deal with such a penis-partying-phenomenon. Actually, based on the hotel’s lack of customer service, they probably would deny it ever happened… Anyway today is a good day because thousands of people are reading my blog about your hotel and that lack of refund. That means these emails are working, even of you aren’t responding.
Anyway I look forward to my refund.

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