WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE – CREATURE IDENTIFICATION
Stomping is a key giveaway for these creatures. If they were walking over floorboards above you then you would be very aware of their stomping. You might imagine them to be clumsy baby elephants with the powerful stomps they produce. Yet, you might be surprised to realise the tallest Stink Stonker would not be higher than your hip. You see their chunky, angular legs with large thighs provide them with a huge amount of stomping power. What also gives them away is that when they are at rest they like to stand with their knees turned out to ninety degrees and press their large paws together, as though praying. What makes them quite outstanding is their huge mains because they have lion’s heads and will roar with tremendous satisfaction when they create a stonker.
A load roar of satisfaction should always be made when one is proud of a stink creation. These Little Stinkers can create a stinking stonker and their proud achievement makes them roar. What is also quite fascinating is their ability to squat because they have tremendously strong legs. So they can really make a bit of a show of their pong-power.
The word stonker and ‘what a stonker’ give away how bad it can be. Their terrible trumps certainly have the capacity to knock an unsuspecting victim sideways. What is worse is the Stink Stonkers enjoy leaving ‘stonking gifts’ in rooms for people to walk in to. One time a group of stink stonkers snuck into a lovely country house. They left a terrible stonker and then all hid behind the curtains and watched a coach party of old people walk into it. It wasn’t really fair. However, when the tourist party were caught off guard and one little old lady announced ‘poo it stinks in here,’ the Stink Stonkers gave away their location by roaring with pleasure. That was one of the first times they were witnessed outside of Waftness. Admittedly it was a practice pong mission and in terms of Great Stink rehearsals, they achieved their goal. Sebastian advised the Stink Stonkers that in the future it was better to roar their satisfaction on delivery rather than once unsuspecting party had inhaled the results.
THE STINKING UGLY – HOW THEY ‘GET YOU’
As mentioned before, they have learned the art of the stealth stonk. As much as they stomp they can also be light on their feet. They stealthily enter a room or location and leave a stonker. Although they are also very accomplished at turning up, dropping a stonker, roaring their excitement and doing a dance of the satisfying stonk.
Rotten turnip combined with nasty nappy would provide a bit of an insight. However, the volume and intensity of the stonker is so overwhelming that the nuances and details of the festering fragrance aren’t usually appreciated. Instead, the recipient is often thrown into a state of overwhelmed shock.
When Sebastian Stinkworthy first came up with the Stink Stonker he was captivated by the potential of a real stonker. In his world of whiff domination, he needed to create some real stonkers. What he needed was a Little Stinker that could create a real Stonker. Not only was this creature necessary but it had to be specific in its role. In addition, he realised that since there was a hint of lion in the creature there needed to be a sense of pongacious pride. He liked a good bit of roaring and enjoyed the concept of taking pride in creating a Stonker. So not only was this creature designed to deliver a stonker, it evolved the understanding of how one should celebrate creation and take pride in what they do, no matter what it is. If you have a talent for something, no matter how big or small, one should feel satisfied when it is created. What’s more, one should feel a real sense of pride in creating it, even if it is as simple as a pong.
IF YOU ARE LIKE THIS LITTLE STINKER
You probably have attended the gym and may own kettle bells to swing about. What you can’t see the connection? Ah you see it is all in the thighs. The ability to squat to enable the ultimate Stonker. You may also be heavy on your feet and when you walk the floorboards tremor like there is a baby elephant stamping across the floor. People may have mentioned your heavy footedness which caused you to practice being light on your feet, like a ballet dancer.
In terms of Stonkers, there is usually a plan: an empty room and the knowledge that visitors or unsuspecting victims are due. You have refined you stealthy stonking delivery and have calculated the ultimate moment of fruition. In addition, you are likely to be very proud of you dastardly delivery and enjoy adding insult to nasal injury with a purr or roar of delight. Why not? You have delivered a Stonker. Well done! Time to celebrate!
THE STINKING STORY
The Stink Stonkers are very strong, so often help Mildred and Bertie with heavy lifting. In the story they carry Tingle and Josh’s parents into the Victorian Bathroom Boudoir.
Some of the Stink Stonkers held the door open while the other little stinkers lifted Dianne, John and Auntie Joanna onto a velvet sofa each. They were careful to make sure they laid them down so they were comfortable.
WHAT MAKES THEM SMILE
What makes them smile is the same as what makes them roar: the delivery of a real stonker and hiding in a place where they can witness the unfortunate stonk inhalation event.
THEIR FAVOURITE FOOD
Now you wouldn’t really think this was the case, but they do like pizza. The thing that is a little strange is they like turnip mash served with it. Who doesn’t like a good bit of turnip mash? Quite a few of the Little Stinkers are partial to turnip.
A LITTLE BIT OF WEIRDNESS
As mentioned above, there were some practice stonk delivery runs because Sebastian wanted to come up with the most obscure places to deliver a stonker. The problem was that the Stink Stonkers weren’t terribly good at hiding because originally they stomped to their locations. In the end Sebastian sent the Stink Stonkers to their locations very early in the morning so they were not seen and that way they had more time to brew their stink and prepare. He also taught them ballet so they could be light on their feet and provided them with ninja training. That way they could make stealthy deliveries and pirouette away whenever they felt like it.
While trying to refine Stink Stonking, the Stink Stonkers made a rather dangerous Stink Stonking attempt that could have gone terribly wrong. So, a group of Stink Stonkers dropped a series of stonkers on the underground trains before rush hour. Unfortunately the group were seen and had to make a quick escape through the underground tunnels. It was a close call because they were reported to the secret services who put the little creatures on the wanted list. There were all manner of secret agent trying to figure out what the creatures were and whether they were aliens. Sebastian learned a big lesson then about stealth. He learned from his mistake and realised that using the Original Little Stinkers was a better move because they could blend in and use their chameleon like skills. That is when the ballet lessons began followed by a double dose of ninja training.
With such a huge learning Sebastian decided that from that day on the Stink Stonkers would go to locations early and set up a stealthy stink stonker for unsuspecting parties. He enabled them to create stonkers that would drive you bonkers and would hang around for hours. What’s more, he came to the conclusion that there was great satisfaction in watching a creative pong project come to fruition. So he decided that the Stink Stonkers would hide, take pride and then decide. What did they decide on? The best way to get home without being detected through excessing stomping by using their rather elegant ballet moves.
THEIR PART OF THE RASPBERRY RHAPSODY
The Stink Stonkers arrived and took to the floor and made a wonderful stamping beat. Josh and Tingle clapped their hands.
‘Now the chorus…’ Sebastian cried raising his hands in the air. With that, all of the Little Stinkers joined in…
‘Ohhh it stinks… it smells so bad… the rancid stench makes us sad… We are sorry for what we’ve done because nasty niffs really aren’t fun!’
Tingle and Josh began to giggle…
WHERE YOU ARE MOST LIKELY TO FIND THEM
Hiding behind curtains, under sofas or anywhere where they can watch people walk into a stinking stonker after they have delivered it.
ADVICE FROM THIS LITTLE STINKER
If you are going to deliver a stonker it is worth being proud of your creation and roar with delight upon stonking delivery.
THE DANCE OF THE LITTLE STINKER
This Little Stinker has strong thighs so there is a lot of squatting to demonstrate their powerful thigh capacity. What’s more they like to sideways shimmy, squat, stonk and then roar.
HOW THEY LULL YOU INTO A FALSE SENSE OF STINKING SECURITY
They don’t have to lull you in, in fact you probably keep walking into their stealthy stonkers and you hadn’t realised who the culprits were until now.
STAND OUT MOMENTS
When the Stink Stonkers carried the adults into the Victorian Bathroom Boudoir. They also lined up against the Victorian loos of loveliness.
THE MORAL OF THE STINKY STORY
Stonkers can drive you bonkers especially if you live with someone who has this bottomy stonking capacity and dark humour. The tell-tale signs of this type is strong thighs, a set of kettle bells and their tendency to roar when they are proud of what they have done.
ILLUSTRATIONS BY ROBIN DRY – THANK YOU!