WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE – CREATURE IDENTIFICATION
The hideous hummer probably doesn’t look quite how you imagine. It is quite a curious looking creature with a large curved nose and wings like those of a bat. Its head looks like a funny monkey with large innocent eyes and a huge nose with giant nostrils. You will be able to tell it is a hummer because it likes to hum and that hum can be loud, tuneful or completely annoying depending on its mood.
It is strange how we always try to find a bright side and even in this case, the hideous hummer is quite a rare creature with some virtues. You may wonder why that is good. Well it is because it is made up quite a diverse group of creatures which provides it with rather ‘quirky’ looks. It has that large funny nose, bat wings and has a sense of monkey-ness about it. That ‘monkey-ness’ often means it is playful and up to mischief. Since the Hideous Hummer is peculiar looking, it will make you smile when you see it. It can fly and is also good at night because it is made up of some bat. Sebastian Stinkworthy wanted creatures that could fly. In addition, he realised that he would like a creature that could swing through the trees if it wasn’t flying. He didn’t want that only to happen through the day, so thought why not enable it to fly and swing through the trees at night. So there we are, quite a combination of randomness and a very useful creature.
The hummer quite literally hums and that humming can be annoying. Have you ever noticed someone humming a rather uninteresting song to themselves and often out of tune? Or… even worse: the hum of insects like mosquitos or wasps? The Hummer can do both of these. Now imagine gathering a group of them together, all humming their own tunes then you certainly have the potential for absolute aggravation. Now combine that with a fruity fragrant fart and you have a catastrophic combination. The Hideous Hummers can really annoy you, your nostrils and your ears. Ultimately they are great aggravation all-rounders.
THE STINKING UGLY – HOW THEY ‘GET YOU’
Since the Hideous Hummers are particularly active at night, they fly like bats and sit in trees. They are quite often drawn to barbecues and can pelt a pong from a distance. That is another skill that makes this Little Stinker quite advanced. So there you are, sizzling some sausages and ‘boom’ a green flame erupts and a fruity fart fragrance shrivels your sausages. It is amazing what a pelted pong can do. So essentially the Hideous Hummers fly by night, take seats in trees or on posts and watch for potential pong pelting. So what about the hum? Well that is it, while they wait for the perfect –pong-portunity (opportunity) they begin to hum because they can get rather bored waiting for the perfect opportunity. That must be quite a surprise to you because boredom equals blow-off bombardment. What’s more, the humming is quite haunting. Imagine a hideously haunting humming melody and then a pelt of a piercing pong. Putrid? Petrifying? Playful?
These hums are zesty and sharp. Some might describe them a tangy, terrible and gruffily ghastly. The hint of fruit gives them away and their fiercely fruity fetid fragrance is famous.
The original plan was to create a Little Stinker that could travel by night and deliver pongs from above. When Sebastian Stinkworthy imagined this creature he thought the hum could descend upon the unsuspecting stink sniffers. Yet dropping was too obvious, so why not enable the pong to be flung? That was when Sebastian Stinkworthy decided a hideous hum harmony would be the perfect warm up for a prolific pong pelting. That one realisation made Sebastian Stinkworthy a very happy man.
IF YOU ARE LIKE THIS LITTLE STINKER
You have a tendency to be a night niffer. It is as if your body saves up all of its stink for a night of nastiness. It is also likely that you either mutter, hum or talk in your sleep. The unfortunate aspect of this in human form is that the hideous hummer often wakes themselves up with an almighty blow-off. The kind that sounds like an angry walrus. Yes… With that natural capacity to pong pelt the hideous hummer’s body will blow-a bottom-huley in the night and wake up the hummer to alert them of their natural ability and ‘horribility.’
In terms of pong pelting and the bed-time disaster. The situation is often that the pong is pelted and stays dormant under the duvet at night. When the hummer wakes up the unfortunately hum will have ripened into a full grown pong-strosity.
THE STINKING STORY
Within Tingle Dingle and The Little Stinkers, the Hideous Hummers like to be more subtle in the story and often hum in the background.
‘That there is a hummer, they can hover, can be very sneaky and make festering-fruity-farty smells.’ Mildred appeared amused and pulled an expression that suggested it wasn’t a terribly nice experience.
WHAT MAKES THEM SMILE
A harmony of hideous hums with the perfect pong pelting at night gives them a bit of a smirk but pelting barbecues or festivals with a harmony of hummers that erupt into huge green flames makes them grin as a group.
THEIR FAVOURITE FOOD
Mango, bananas and prunes. Yes prunes, there something pongalicious about the innocent prune. Now remember that these little hideous humming lovelies originated from fruit bats and monkeys, so is it any wonder they have a fruitarian diet?
A LITTLE BIT OF WEIRDNESS
Their bat like qualities didn’t always work in their favour because bats like to sleep upside down. Now, if you consider that a pong has to be pelted, it needs to be a bit denser that the average blow-off. Do you understand where this is going? So while these little beauties were asleep, and because they had big noses, sometimes an escapee pong would slip out and drop into their large nostrils and wake them up. Awkward, and not terribly pleasant for any hummer who experienced the situation. So how did Sebastian deal with that? He made sure that their bottom hole was further back so if a hideously humming pong popped out in the night, it would roll down the Hideous Hummer’s back to avoid its nose and large nostrils. Sebastian Stinkworthy didn’t like to see his Little Stinkers affected by their own pong creations and that was when he made a huge discovery. He had to make Little Stinkers resilient to the Stinks and their own stinks. It was amazing how one stink-cident could change the whole course of the Little Stinker history.
THEIR PART OF THE RASPBERRY RHAPSODY
The Hideous Hummers were more of a support group and hummed in harmony in the background while the other Stinkers sand their Little Stinking hearts out.
WHERE YOU ARE MOST LIKELY TO FIND THEM
You will find them sitting in trees, on lampposts, on chimneys or even on the guttering of rooves at night. Since they originated from bats they often hang upside down when they get the chance. Although before a pong-pelting they have to make sure they are upright to avoid the pong descending up their own nostril or each other’s nostrils.
ADVICE FROM THIS LITTLE STINKER
If you happen to be the Hideous Hummer type, then pay attention to personal pong pelting and duvet devastation. If you share a room with someone or someone in your family is this type, keep away early in the morning because when the duvet is pulled back a badly brewed blow-off can attack.
THE DANCE OF THE LITTLE STINKER
There is a lot of wing flapping and chest beating during their dance. They utilise their natural battiness and combine it with their monkey magical moves.
HOW THEY LULL YOU INTO A FALSE SENSE OF STINKING SECURITY
Well, since they lurk at night and watch their potential targets, you won’t know until you are on the receiving end of a pong pelting. Essentially they don’t need to lull you into a false sense of security but it is worth every so often to stop and listen. Is there a subtle hum playing on the breeze?
STAND OUT MOMENTS
The Hideous Hummers were key to the Pongs Away! release because they could fly by night and could set up numerous global pongs. They were also able to watch different cities to determine the optimum stink locations and where best to place stinkholes. They particularly enjoyed stock-pong-piling the sprouts for the big detonation. The Hideous Hummers are hard workers and get great satisfaction from pong-pelting escapades.
THE MORAL OF THE STINKY STORY
A subtle hum can signify a pong to come or a potential pongstrosity.
ILLUSTRATIONS BY ROBIN DRY – THANK YOU!