WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE – CREATURE IDENTIFICATION
These creatures have eight legs to dance in from the side. They are kind-of like crabs in the way they move. They are very smiley and showy as they perform until they disperse their doom and then leap away like grasshoppers. They are magical looking creatures and their bodies are decorated with spiralling dotty patterns. When they appear in a show they like to add a bit of glitz with glass beads and gemstones attached to their faces, arms and bodies.
These little creatures are Guffing Gods and Godesses because they have so many arms and legs. What’s more, they are decorated with plenty of spangle which is pretty magical when the light catches them. Sebastian Stinkworthy came to the conclusion that he had been limited in his stinking creature thoughts and realised that not all of the Little Stinkers had to be made up of animals that already existed. With that in mind, he thought he would explore all the different Gods and Goddesses because he decided that thunder was actually a godly guff. Yes, he decided that the thunder from a lightning storm was actually a divine blow off. Of course that got him thinking where else he could find such examples and enjoyed reading the Nordic fairy tales. He then looked at some of the other creation myths around the world. He came to the conclusion that creatures with lots of arms and legs would be good at making an entrance and waving their arms as a distraction before delivering an ungodly smell and then leaping off.
The fact that these creatures move sideways, like crabs, can catch you off-guard. They are more of a side-winder-little-stinker. One moment you are innocently minding your own business and the next these beautiful and elegant creatures sidle sideways from the periphery of your vision, wave their arms like they are wafting a whiff and then ‘poooooooo!’ a real potty pongy puff-pasty makes a pooooof!
THE STINKING UGLY – HOW THEY ‘GET YOU’
Well they have numerous techniques, the side-angle shuffle, where you don’t see them coming from either side of you. Or sometimes they sidle, circle and surround you. That is when you realise you are in trouble because you are at the centre of a circle of curt curdling stink-catastrophe. What adds insult to nasal injury is when the pasty-posterial-puff has been actioned, the group smile and launch themselves into the air like huge grasshoppers. One minute you are surrounded, the next the dancey-doom-dunkers are nowhere to be seen.
When inventing this creature Sebastian Stinkworthy reminisced about the cream teas and pasties that he used to enjoy when he was a child. These lovely food delicacies reminded him of his holidays to Cornwall and Dorset in the Southwest of England. One of his favourite pasties was a cheese and onion pasty, so he developed a dark dank manky cheese flavour combined with onions as a special Dancey Doom Dunker odour.
To be honest there wasn’t much purpose for this Little Stinker originally. The thing is when you are being creative, it is worth testing the edges of reason and go beyond boundaries. So, in this case Sebastian Stinkworthy felt that he had verged on the stinking obvious and wanted to make an elegant and beautiful Little Stinker: more of a delightfully decorative stink deliverer. In the end the purpose found the stink and the arm wafting, combined with a sideways arrival and the circle forming all worked in Sebastian’s stench-creating favour.
IF YOU ARE LIKE THIS LITTLE STINKER
You are elegant, original and stand out as something a little rare. Oh yes, don’t be bashful – you know it. You may have a love of cream teas or be partial to a puffy-pongy-pasty. You might not even know that you are partial to a pasty until you have tried one. Maybe now is your opportunity.
Other than that, you have a tendency to take an indirect route to your goals. There may well be a natural desire to line dance and when you do a dancey doom posterial poof can be the result. You are generally pretty proud of yourself, smile mysteriously and wave your arms to create maximum effect. When you have delivered that pasty-filled-posterial puff – you quite often bounce away like a grasshopper. Oh and finally you like to dance to a good beat.
THE STINKING STORY
Tingle and Josh were quite stunned when the Dancey Doom Dunkers performed.
Next the Dancey Doom Dunkers made the room fall silent when the creatures, with eight legs, side danced onto the dancefloor. As they arrived another beat filled the room and together they all made a drumming sound. Their bodies were more ornately decorated than usual and were covered in glass beads made up of beautiful patterns. Each Doom Dunker was a different colour: from rose to lilac and pastel pink to light mint green. Their very cute heads with large, dark shiny eyes appeared eager. They formed a circle and began to tap four of their legs to the beat and the rest of their legs were used to dance. They lifted their four arms to look like cactus arms as they prepared to sing.
WHAT MAKES THEM SMILE
When they have a cream tea arranged in front of them. Although there is still discussion amongst them as to whether you should put the cream or the jam on the scone first. This is what first divided the Dancey Doom-dunkers because some put jam and then cream and the others put cream and then jam. They have learned to accept that no matter what a cream tea is still delicious whether you arrange the jam or the cream on the top!
THEIR FAVOURITE FOOD
As mentioned above, a warm cheese and onion pasty and a lovely cream tea with fruity scones.
A LITTLE BIT OF WEIRDNESS
Have you considered how challenging it is to find trousers with eight leg holes? Or have you ever thought what an eight armed jumper/sweater/pullover might look like. You see for a Dancey Doom Dunker to look like a tourist they had to blend in and eight arms and eight legs was quite a challenge to hide. When it comes to knickers or underpants you need to have eight leg holes. How often do you consider that? Imagine having eight holes in your underwear. Would there be any material left for anything else?
You might think that it would be clever to buy a normal polo-neck jumper and only use two arms. Do you know how difficult it is to keep such an item on when you are used to waving eight arms rather than two? Also you might consider wide-legged trousers with four-legs kept in each leg. That kind of thing really does cause frustration. Have you ever taken part in a three legged race? Well now imagine doing that with eight legs. When you have so many arms and legs then restricting them can be quite a challenge.
THEIR PART OF THE RASPBERRY RHAPSODY
Sometimes a Little Stinker can really up the beat and unite an audience in a real sense of fun.
When the creatures arrived on the dancefloor, they formed a circle and began to tap four of their legs to the beat and used the rest of their legs to dance. Their four arms waved in time as they made a long harmonious ‘Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo’ sound, each with a different tone.
After a short while Tingle and Josh realised they weren’t singing ‘Oooooo’ instead it was ‘Dooooooooooooooooooooooom! Oh dooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom la la laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.’
WHERE YOU ARE MOST LIKELY TO FIND THEM
These creatures, when they were free to roam, liked to visit Cornwall and Dorset in England. That was where their favourite cream teas could be eaten. They would disguise themselves as tourists and visit numerous little tea rooms. When it came to creating the Supreme Stench with Sebastian Stinkworthy, they were sent into the cities to fill the lofts, basement and cellars with pongy-pasty-flavoured-posterial-puffs. So they could also be found in basements and cellars doing what they had been asked to do: raise a rising stink. They didn’t really like being underground or in dark places. That was what made them want to explore the countryside, little villages and tea rooms.
ADVICE FROM THIS LITTLE STINKER
Enjoy the opportunity to indulge in a pasty or a cream tea without having to wear a disguise. You don’t know how lucky you are. You might also like to appreciate that your underwear only needs holes for two legs. Imagine how confusing it could be to try and put your knickers or briefs on over eight legs.
THE DANCE OF THE LITTLE STINKER
They elegantly sidle in sideways, wave their arms like silks caught in a breeze. They stamp a wonderful beat and then, when they are finished, launch into the air like grass-hoppers.
HOW THEY LULL YOU INTO A FALSE SENSE OF STINKING SECURITY
They often catch you when you least expect it. You might be concentrating on something like looking at your phone, computer screen or reading a book. The next moment you look up and you are surrounded. Parp! A few arm waves and the pasty-flavoured-parp fills the air! Then one giant bounce and then they are gone. It can be quite shocking and leave an unsuspecting stink victim stunned.
STAND OUT MOMENTS
When the Dancey-Doom-Dunkers first began to practice their moves they practiced in cities. They surrounded people who were eating their lunch on benches and staring looking at their phones. It seemed that lunchtime was the optimum time to provide a pasty-flavoured-festering-fragrance. Unfortunately it seemed that office workers were the parp-victim of choice because they had escaped their building for a bit of fresh air and had selected a nice bench. The thing was they were technically sitting doom-dunking-ducks because most would peer at their mobile phones while they ate. That made them prime-parping-real-estate because the Dancey-doom-dunkers could quickly surround them. There were times when they practiced their pasty-parping-puffs on children, yet children don’t sit still for long. So the Dancey Doom Dunkers had to get in and surround faster which wasn’t so satisfying. There is no enjoyment in forcing a parping delivery.
THE MORAL OF THE STINKY STORY
Multiple arms and legs are wonderful when delivering a doom-dunking-dank-dirty-doughnut because you can wave it about to your heart’s content.
ILLUSTRATIONS BY ROBIN DRY – THANK YOU!