PONGPENDIUM – What Kind of Little Stinker are You? A Parpsichord Player?

WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE – CREATURE IDENTIFICATION

The parpsichord player is a rare creature within the Little Stinking world. Pongle was the only one created for the pure purpose to play the Raspberry Rhapsody when the great stink was released. Each note made a huge raspberry sound like when someone sits quickly on a whoopee cushion. Thwarrrp!

Pongle

Pongle’s natural talent for a plinky plonking a decent raspberry tune was unsurpassed as a pong passed. To identify him you would notice his large bushy eyebrows and long white moustache. Other than that, when he is about to launch into playing a pong song, he will often where a tuxedo with tails. In addition, the Parpsichord player, has a dream-like quality. When they are in full festering flow they often enter into the depths of a pong-sonation. Pongle can’t help but waft into playful pong plinky plonky state and tinkle those parpsichord ivories. Admittedly there should be a female version Pongle; although bushy white eyebrows and a moustache might not be so fetching on a lady parpsichord player. Sebastian had considered the female equivalent and decided when he magicked her into existence she would have long white plaits, white eye lashes and white eyebrows. She would wear a lovely long dress-suit with tails and have a choice of either a skirt or trousers. When she became immersed in her pong song her long white plaits would rise into the air.

THE GOOD

There is nothing like a tuneful raspberry sound to accompany a plethora of international pong delivery. There are many classical tunes that can be parpsichordially played while releasing the ultimate pong. Imagine a beautifully ornate piano and pressing each key to create a raspberry sound. What a whiffy wonder! Pongle certainly immersed himself in providing the perfect stinking symphony.

THE BAD

Learning to play the Parpsichord is quite a challenge because not many people can teach it. Imagine a trumpet player learning to play a trumpet without tuition. It isn’t terribly good on anyone’s ears. The same applies to a parpsichord prodigy, which was precisely what Pongle was.

THE STINKING UGLY – HOW THEY ‘GET YOU’

The Parpsichord player has a natural talent for luring you in with a rather beautiful ornamental parpsichord. You might believe you are about to watch a maestro play a classical concert and it would be a classic but not in the conventional sense. The Parpsichord player would usually click their knuckles and do all manner of stretch before launching into a raspberry recital. What set the performance apart was when the first raspberry resonating note sounded and you realised that you had been lulled into a false sense of stinking security.

pong

ODOUR IDENTIFICATION

The odour identification of the Parpsichord is pretty complex bcause every note played releases a different stink combination. Essentially it is like standing behind a flatulent individual after they have devoured a buffet. There could be a hint of gerkin here, a bit of manky cheese there and a twisted turnip aroma that quite unexpectedly enters the aroma arena. All in all any bad smell could have come from a Parpsichord, initiated by a Parpsichord player.

PURPOSE

The Parpsichord player has a very important role in the Great Stink release. With every note played on the Parpsichord a different stink was detonated. The complexity of the tune combined with the full Raspberry Rhapsody, Odorous Opera and Symphony of Stink must be perfectly delivered during the Stinktacular. That was no easy feat, instead the pong performance took focus, precision and a capacity to concentrate even when the most disgusting smell reached its full fruition.

IF YOU ARE LIKE THIS LITTLE STINKER

You probably have a natural musical talent both from the behind and in general pong performance. Maybe you can make a series of tuneful bottom burps. Or maybe that rectal raspberry increases in sound or tone as it is released. Alternatively you may look very smart and dignified, that illusion is destroyed by a tuneful tangy parp. Of course you may well be a murky maestro or a parp prodigy. You could be known to play classical music from your behind much to the disgust of an unsuspecting audience.

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THE STINKING STORY

In Tingle Dingle and The Little Stinkers, the Parpsichord player takes a key role.

‘Now just imagine Pongle playing and then you know what happens?’ The room filled with Little Stinkers all nodded.

Tingle and Josh had no idea what a parpsichord was and what the honking horror could be.

‘You know what we do next? YES! We release the stink… We detonate the sprouts and we squirt the juice of skunk according to each musical note… It is a beautiful moment…’ cried Sebastian raising his arms… ‘Just pretend we have all our stinks, stenches and pongs ready. Just pretend to let them all go after years and years of refining the perfect pongs, stenches, smells, whiffs, niffs and guffs. This is our final practice before we release the greatest international stink the world has ever known tomorrow.’

2Stinker gathering

WHAT MAKES THEM SMILE

Once have they have made a big show of warming up and stretching, there is a moment of silence where the audience excitedly anticipates the first note. What makes the Parpsichord player smile is when the first raspberry sounds and the variety of expression that cross the audience’s faces. What an absolute classic! There are usually frowns, looks of disgust and many ‘did I just really hear that?’ response. Pongle’s favourite was the ‘that sounded like a fart look – did anyone else notice?’ Look of absolute confusion.

THEIR FAVOURITE FOOD

Pongle had a thing for pastries, pecan maple twists and croissants with coffee. It might be his musical background or a hint of Frenchness that inspired him to desire such tasty pasty delights.

 

soup

A LITTLE BIT OF WEIRDNESS

The Parpsichord was an accidental invention, as many inventions often are. It seemed that the Harpsichord was originally constructed by Andreas Ruckers in Antwerp in 1646 and then in 1789 Pascal Taskin remodelled it. The idea of remodelling appealed to Sebastian Stinkworthy. If you could take something that already existed and improve on it then why not? What better improvement could be made than a huge raspberry sound that could be part of a tune? Before Sebastian was shamed and cast out, he had attended a Harpsichord recital in London. During that recital a rather portly man sneezed and made a huge raspberry sound. The audience were horrified, glared and then pretended it didn’t happen. Unfortunately Sebastian couldn’t contain his amusement and burst into fits of giggles. This then seemed to trigger the sneezer to continue to sneeze and make more raspberry sounds. The Harpsichord player continued despite the raspberry accompaniment. In that moment a mental seed was planted. Needless to say, that such a random event further down the line was the inspiration for the Parpsichord.

A few years later, when Sebastian was preparing to take his Great Stinking revenge, Sebastian decided that he needed to create a Stinktacular of epic proportion. He decided that if he was going to release a stink then there had to be some musical accompaniment. It was then he remembered the Harpsichord moment and smiled to himself. He knew what he was going to do. Although, he wanted each note to sound a raspberry and initiate a pong. That instrument was an entirely new musical beast, which was why it needed a special name. Sebastian trawled through many options including a stinkano, a smellyboard, a stinktar but one day he woke up with the magical name in his mind: THE PARPSICHORD! That was his Eureka!!!! moment for the Stinktacular.

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THEIR PART OF THE RASPBERRY RHAPSODY

The Parpsichord player is crucial in the Stinktacular because he and Janella, the Operatic Hippobottymous, initiate the Raspberry Rhapsody notes which release the stink.

‘Pongle, our Master Parp Player, is going to play the parpsichord. He will be accompanied by Janella, who is the most remarkable odorous operatic of all the Little Stinkers.’ As Sebastian announced Janella she jetted up on a spout of water. Janella, a honey of Hippobottymous, posed in a red sequinned dress with her hair arranged in the most fabulous wave of ruby-red curls. She smiled jubilantly, brushed herself down and took her place beside Pongle. The tourists in Trafalgar Square came to a standstill and frowned at the two peculiar looking creatures. Pongle stretched his arms, wriggled his fingers and prepared to play. Janella took a deep breath and burst into opera. The sound that came from her was breath-taking. At the same time Pongle pressed the first key and a raspberry sound played. ‘Thwarrrrp!’

WHERE YOU ARE MOST LIKELY TO FIND THEM

The Parpsihord player is a diligent behind the scenes type. They aren’t especially obvious until they are involved in a performance. Essentially the most obvious place to find them is on stage either in rehearsal or performing. When they are not on stage they like to practice on their parpsichord on terraces overlooking beautiful scenery, or in large palatial rooms. Although the reality is that many (if there were many – there is only one) would be tucked away in attic flats dreaming of a moment of musical parping greatness or pong performing to the masses.

 

Stinker17

In Tingle Dingle and The Little Stinkers Pongle, The Parpsichord player, is found located on a fountain in the middle of Trafalgar square. That results in him and Janella appearing on every screen across the world.

ADVICE FROM THIS LITTLE STINKER

Practice makes perfect on all levels, and should you decided to adopt the role of a parpsichord player, it is worth bearing in mind that repetition is the way to master an unforgettable parping recital.

THE DANCE OF THE LITTLE STINKER

Unfortunately the Parpsichord player is focused on their musical art, so won’t actually dance. Instead their soulful stink tinkering lifts the Little Stinkers into some wonderful moves and that is enough for Pongle.

HOW THEY LULL YOU INTO A FALSE SENSE OF STINKING SECURITY

There you are innocently glancing at your phone, computer or television and then suddenly a random image of Trafalgar square, with a pair of weird looking creatures beside what looks like a decorative piano appear on it. You weren’t exactly lulled into a false sense of security, but you would be surprised that such an image appears on your phone. That wild wonder would evolve into flabbergastation (a new word) when the first note that sounds from the instrument is a huge THWWAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRP!

 

1 little stink

ADVICE FROM THIS LITTLE STINKER

Practice makes perfect on all levels, and should you decided to adopt the role of a parpsichord player, it is worth bearing in mind that repetition is the way to master an unforgettable parping recital.

THE DANCE OF THE LITTLE STINKER

Unfortunately the Parpsichord player is focused on their musical art, so won’t actually dance. Instead their soulful stink tinkering lifts the Little Stinkers into some wonderful moves and that is enough for Pongle.

CLICK HERE FOR TINGLE DINGLE AND THE LITTLE STINKERS ON AMAZON.CO.UK

CLICK HERE FOR TINGLE DINGLE AND THE LITTLE STINKERS ON AMAZON.COM

ILLUSTRATIONS BY ROBIN DRY – THANK YOU


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