ONE LOUD RASPBERRY GONG AND FRESH AIR WAS GONE
The world was filled with a smog that resembled old dog breath, sprouts and rotten eggs. People couldn’t escape the disgusting stench. Some opened their windows and then closed their windows again. Unfortunately there was no escaping the worst smell to grace every nostril on the planet. It was the nastiest stench in the entire history of the world.
At first the dignitary and the wealthy thought they could escape the smell by buying up all of the air fresheners. It worked for a couple of hours but Sebastian’s smells were intense and built to last. Some people tried hoovering up the smells but that didn’t work either. There was just too much stink.
Later that afternoon there was a meeting called by the Prime Minister, who, only after a few hours of stench, had a headache and couldn’t concentrate. What made is worse was all the world leaders had a conference call to discuss what on earth the weird creatures were and who on earth had invented the parpsichord. A few of them wanted one.
Eventually royalty was involved. Each Prime Minister had to explain to the Queen or King what they thought had happened.
In Buckingham Palace, the Queen sat on her throne looking very confused. Was there any warning that such a stink was on its way? she asked.
The Prime Minister shook his head and then sighed with a guilty look when he realised something.
‘You knew about this and you didn’t stop it?’ the Queen asked.
‘We had some indications it was on its way…’ the Prime Minister replied.
‘What do you mean indications?’ the Queen was intrigued.
‘Well do you remember the Great Stink of 1858?’ the Prime Minister asked.
‘Not personally. That was Queen Victoria,’ the Queen frowned.
‘Do you happen to remember a story about a man called Sebastian Stinkworthy? He was imprisoned where he would be close to sewage for eternity?’
‘No I have no recollection of that…’ the Queen answered honestly. ‘What a strange name.’
‘Well to cut a long story short, Sebastian Stinkworthy was imprisoned below Waftness. As punishment Queen Victoria said that Sir Gilbert, the knight who enraged Sebastian enough to create the original Great Stink, was to be his guard, and the first son of every generation would be the one who had to guard Sebastian until the family line ran out.’
‘How could that come to be?’ The Queen found such a suggestion ridiculous.
‘Sebastian Stinkworthy is immortal. They tried to cut off his head but it grew back every time. They tried everything to rid the world of him but he just bounced back and said he intended to stink the world out when it least expected it.’
Sitting thoughtfully on the throne, the Queen realised she had no idea what on earth had happened. One thing she did know was there was no way she wanted to endure such a stink. ‘So tell me how you were warned.’
‘Well Sir Gilbert said on his deathbed that within one hundred and fifty years there would be a vengeful stink and that he intended to make sure it happened. Every guard at Waftness would know the story and support Sebastian in making a stink so bad that it would serve as revenge for them both.’
‘Does Sebastian Stinkworthy know that?’ the Queen asked, feeling somewhat confused that there was an immortal man living in a sewage farm.
‘No Your Majesty, he didn’t know that Sir Gilbert’s family had been tasked with guarding him,’ the Prime Minister replied.
‘What an awful stink and what an awful situation! So what is your advice?’ the Queen asked considering all the stinking options.
‘We need to go to the source of the stink…’ the Prime Minister said.
‘Did Queen Victoria do that?’ It wasn’t something the Queen would expect Queen Victoria to do.
‘Yes, Sebastian Stinkworthy neutralised the smell, however, there is more…’ The Prime Minister looked guilt-ridden.
‘Go on…’ the Queen said noticing the Prime Minister’s awkwardness.
‘The Faerie Queen Sebastian was in love with was imprisoned in the Tower.’ The Prime Minister realised it sounded absurd.
‘Faerie Queen, how I am I supposed to believe all of this?’ The Queen stood up and began to pace.
‘I am just telling you what I know Your Majesty…’ the Prime Minister replied with a flick of his fringe.
‘So you are telling me that we have a Faerie Queen imprisoned in the Tower of London?’ The Queen paused and watched the Prime Minister’s reaction.
The Prime Minister nodded, ‘It’s an official secret.’
‘And where is she?’ she asked.
‘She is being kept in a jar in one of the far towers,’ the Prime Minister answered as he shifted and squirmed.
‘You have kept a Queen in a jar!’ she cried.
‘Yes Your Majesty.’
The Queen sighed, ‘So we have captured the one Sebastian loves, kept her in a jar, and had him guarded by the family of the man who captured the faerie. We then imprisoned him for over a hundred and fifty years in a sewer. May I ask what good you expected to come from that?’
‘Well we have seen no good come from that have we Your Majesty? That is why we are in this situation,’ The Prime Minister placed his hands behind his back and began to pace with his head lowered.
‘Well we need a plan because to be quite frank, as Queen Victoria would say – We are not amused! We need this stinking situation solved as soon as possible. My royal nostrils wish to smell beautiful smells once more. Fresh air would be a wonderful start!’ the Queen said wondering how such a colossal stink could be contained.