CHAPTER 92 THE ‘I HAVE 20 SUITCASES’ Do you have a suitcase madam? The general response from an embarking guest is to point at one or two suitcases but in some instances people have packed for all eventuality and have at least ten suitcases, for only one week. Ultimately the ‘I Have 20 … More Cruise Ship Creatures – THE ‘I HAVE 20 SUITCASES’
What is it about the front seat of a bus? Yes, you can see a bit more but why do people fight for that front position? I have watched guests argue over that seat and then attempt to pull each other off the seat. When a tour is called in the theatre ‘The I Must Have A Front Seat’ gang dart down to the gangway at the fastest pace you can ever imagine. … More Cruise Ship Creatures – THE ‘I MUST HAVE THE FRONT SEAT OF THE BUS!’
You may well find yourself doing a double take as your unconscious figures out what has taken place. Is that person nude on deck? Nope. It seems that their swimwear is either beige, very small or white and wet resulting in transparency. … More Cruise Ship Creatures – The Missing in Swimwear Action
They became known as the witches of Scooterwick. The two scooteresque gang members had floral basket displays and would often transport half of the buffet around with them. They would zoom past, slam on their brakes and weave amongst the other guests sounding the foghorn. When it was misty on deck they would appear from the fog sounding their foghorns and cackling hysterically. Amongst the fog, screams and revving could be heard as the dangerous driving ensued. … More Cruise Ship Creatures – The Mobility Scooter Rebels
As with all things gin there are many a gincident to report and fantastic moments of congers taking place when there is no actual conger music. One of the best shippy gincidents involved a group of older ‘Gin-A-Ling-A-Ding-Dongs’ reaching the point of being grievous-ginily-sloshed and deciding that skinny dipping in the central pool at the buffet-face-stuffing peak time was a particularly good idea. … More Cruise Ship Creatures – The Gin-a-ling-a-ding-dongs
Oh yes… It is dark, it is twisted, it is crass and above all I sat laughing hysterically while the little beauty was written. You know what? There is nothing more fun than sitting laughing while sharing ridiculous incidents and stories. … More You Should Write About Cruise Ships…
Rubbish! In the meantime, the office pervert has developed his drooling technique and the office bore has moved desks. I will have to time my toilet visits to avoid monotonous stories about beavers or badgers. My worst moment was when he accosted me by the drinks machine and detailed the mating cycle of the Salmon. It was hideous, people in the area were shaking with laughter as I attempted to make every excuse to escape… … More LOVE HUNT – THE LOVE GAME 8
The wobbly bottom women are chatting about new year diets while I make rapid payments. Why is this fair? I work too hard for no reward. Thank you for telling me about the word fanny. Now I have big understanding why the managing director started coughing when I said ‘I was so fanny in a meeting the other day’. … More LOVE HUNT – THE LOVE GAME 7
The point is laughter is infectious and we need more of this in the world. When people are ill they get disease. When people laugh they re-ease. Those little cells in the body jump about in party time and have a feel good gathering. Happy cells make happy bodies and we need more of that! … More LOVE HUNT II – THE LOVE GAME – 6
The Office Feeder is usually a buxom sort who likes to bake and see people happy. She has a husband suffering from extreme cholesterol levels. He needs a forklift truck to lift him from the bed in the morning. The unfortunate truth is for her husband to survive, the Feeder has to turn her attention elsewhere and feed teams instead. … More THE OFFICE ZOO – THE OFFICE FEEDER
